#5. Mr. Resetti from Animal Crossing
This is the hot-tempered mole who stresses the importance of saving your game just a little too much.Why he annoyed us:
Much like an activist with nothing better to do, Mr. Resetti travels around berating those who quit their game without saving. If you ever reset or turn off this game without saving, if we may borrow a line from Full Metal Jacket, you will be in a world of shit. The next time you attempt to play, Mr. Resetti shows up to punish you by forcing you to scroll through endless screens of boring text. There are no exceptions to this policy.
Even if you had to quickly turn off the system in order to drive your grandmother to the hospital, you will still be chewed out. If he happens to be particularly upset with you, he’ll even make you type out an apology using a mediocre and outdated letter entry system. Okay, it’s funny the first couple of times. But after that, Nintendo just needs to realize we’re busy people, always getting paged to go tend to some emergency. We can’t be stopping to save your stupid game every time, Grandma’s spleen is bleeding.
#4. The Cops from Road Rash
In real life, we appreciate the cops. We don’t want to live in a lawless wasteland (well, not all the time anyway). But in the world of video games, they serve primarily as a means to obstruct your fun.
Why they annoyed us:
When playing this game, all you’re trying to do is participate in an innocent little illegal motorcycle street race, while maybe hitting your opponents with chains. The “fuzz”, as they are referred to, insist on busting your ass at every opportunity. They have also clearly been bribed, as they never attempt to arrest your opponents, many of which, according to their bios, actually have an established criminal history.
As if these officers weren’t already diabolical enough, they often have the foresight to park themselves roughly two-hundred yards in front of double-parked cars at the end of blind 90-degree turns, so that when you inevitably crash, you slide right into them. We ask you, who’s committing the crime here?
The system, man. That’s who.
#3. Waluigi from Mario Tennis
For some reason all of the heroes and villains of the Mario universe gather to play a game of tennis. Waluigi is Wario’s teammate, which is also his sole purpose for existing.
Why he annoyed us:
When they were developing Mario Tennis, Wario needed a doubles partner. So they chose between two alternatives: Either dig into the Mario archives and bring back another classic villain, like they did with Birdo and Shy Guy, or put ‘Wa’ in front of ‘Luigi’ and create the biggest piece of shit character of all time. Sadly, they chose the latter and the abomination known as Waluigi was born.
Sure, maybe the concept of an evil counterpart to Luigi actually had potential at some point, like maybe if they didn’t just take the Luigi model, turn it purple, then stretch him out and give him a mustache like a silent film-era villain. It also doesn’t help that you’re debuting him in a damned tennis game. Seriously, if this is the first time we’ve seen him, how do we know he’s evil? Because of his backhand?
#2. Every Racer that uses Comeback A.I., from Countless Racing Games
At some point race game designers realized we stopped playing the games as soon as we got good enough to win the races. So how to keep the game competitive years later? Why, by giving the opposing racers magically-enhanced speed, which means no matter how well you drive, they will always be right up your ass.
Why they annoyed us:
When we own the fastest racer on the track, are the most skilled driver, and sit in first place for minutes on end, we expect to build an ever-widening lead en route to a dominant victory, thus giving us that self-esteem boost we so desperately need.
However, racers who use comeback A.I. don’t like it when you feel good about yourself. Making people angry and depressed is the highlight of their day. Whenever you move into first place, they gain an impossible speed burst (or, in Mario Kart, actually teleport ahead) to stay right behind you and wait for you to make the slightest mistake. Hit a pothole two seconds before the finish line, and these guys will sweep around you to claim the checkered flag.
Never mind that you just shaved a whole minute off the time it took you to win the race before, and that you’ve spent weeks honing your driving skills and upgrading your car. It’s like a practical joke the system is playing on you, and you keep falling for it over and over again.
#1. The Dog from Duck Hunt
It’s a hunting dog who is proficient in retrieving ducks and laughing at you.
Why he annoyed us:
This dog, despite not even having a name, has truly earned his title as the single most hated character in video game history. For millions of kids, he was the very first video game character they ever saw, and it was their very first experience with having an inanimate computer mock their failure.
You could shoot a hundred ducks in a row, but as soon as you miss one, this motherfucker would be laughing at you like you shit your pants. This canine is not man’s best friend. To him, you’re his bitch, to be mocked for his enjoyment. If real dogs did this, they’d be extinct by now. Mankind would have made sure of it.
These same people, who cried watching Old Yeller as a kid, found themselves shooting mercilessly at this animated, snickering dog, to no avail. So congratulations, Laughing Duck Hunt Dog. You were the first landmark annoying video game character, and for two decades you have held tightly onto that crown.
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